"Spiraling out of control" used to be a phrase coined by me and my best friend. We would mostly use it when our lives became just too ridiculously wild to comprehend, and (well, most of the time) the phrase had a positive connotation that was linked to it somewhere undeneath the obvious side effects that it caused. Mostly, it was because we had accidentally slept through way to many classes or partied way too hard (if that's even possible), but after it was said, a smile or at least a playful smirk would follow, and it would be something both of us would and still do laugh about now that it's over.
However, spiraling out of control in college, and spiraling out of control in the real world are just two extremely different things. One is fun, and the other one is, well...depressing.
A couple months ago, I felt as though I entered this chaos-causing whirlwind that I just could not get out of. To spare the eye rolls of the above 40 crowd reading this blog, I WONT say I had a quarter-life crisis (even though I did), but rather I'll say everything around me came temporarily crashing down.
To deviate from this conversation though, WHY is it every time I tell someone over 40 that I'm having a quarter-life crisis, they roll their eyes, sigh, and pat me kind of sympathetically but also kind of forcefully on the back? Are "children" in their 20s not allowed to go through crisis, or are our crisis's just not serious or life shattering enough to be TAKEN seriously? Graduating from college and entering the real world for the first time is an emotional and slightly depressing change of lifestyle, so "crisis" seems the only word appropriate to describe the symptoms that take place. No, I don't have a mortage payment or kids, but I'm still stressed out! I guess until I'm 40, I just wont understand, but if you're in your 20s and feel like you re spinning in nauseating circles trying to figure out your life, I'm pretty sure you're having a quarter-life crisis too. So go ahead and represent. Just sayyyyin.
Anyways, the most interesting part about those last couple months is that despite the circumstances, I actually felt myself changing and growing, and learning, which is something that you rarely actually get to watch yourself do. Most often, the reality of what you learned doesn't set in til several years later, when you have that "Ohhh" moment of recognizing the lesson you learned, usually because it's smacking you in the face.
I feel like I changed, matured, and learned several life lessons and was taking notice of it all. Suddenly I felt that urge of wanting more for myself, and wanting better for myself. I feel like that change is something that is so profound when it happens, that for even just a split second, you feel yourself growing up. It's that light at the end of the tunnel that somehow transforms into maturity, courage, and strength, and guides you through the difficult times that try and suffocate you.
Though I'm still changing and learning and growing, I feel like I've finally got my two feet planted in a good place. I'm looking forward to the future and what it will bring, and I feel like the positive light that is undoubtedly waiting for me is the motivation that I have and will continue to need, in order to reach my goals.
xo.
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